And It's Cold Outside

I was talking to my friend the other day when she said, "I love the grey sky... I don't feel pressured to be anything when there is grey sky. I can just be who I am, whereas when its sunny out, I have to be happy all the time." I didn't respond, because she has smoked way too much pot, and I was tired, and the drive was long. By the time we got to the end I wasn't upset saying goodbye to her like I had been in the past. I went home and moved on and grew up a little. And then you started being in the back of my mind and I didn't like it, you would show up and small movies would play in my head of the way things could be, but not for long, I would put them away in the trunk in the back of my mind and try to forget you. But there's something about holding on that gets stuck in the mind and breaks down the barriers and fights what you thought you knew or should be knowing about love and life and everything in between. And it's lonely and it's sad but somehow through it all it's still hopeful and I want to yell at myself and say that it's not okay and that it needs to stop but- all the sentences end in "but-" when it comes to you. And something about letting that go seems more lonely and sad than anything else I could think about you.